Friday, June 12, 2009

Yeah me!

So I ventured out of the house alone, and sought the companionship of a fellow English speaker for the first time today. While I had a blast, I also noticed how much lack of human companionship over times really screws up your sense of social cues and context. 

I rode the train by myself to and from Heibronn without issue. Met a friend for lunch (Chinese) and walked around checking out the shopping mall and district as well as the 1 Euro store Yeah!!

But I realized how long it had been since I had actually been face to face with another native speaker rather than just online, and further how long it had been since I made friends. I have avoided eye contact for so long, I suppose out of fear of people striking up conversation in German that I was totally self conscious about my communication behaviors. I didn't know when to make eye contact, what was to little versus too much, and further more I was so self conscious about myself I felt I just rambled on at times. I truly hope I didn't make an Ass out of myself. 

Now that I have broken out of my comfort barrier, I hope to make it a more routine activity to meet up with fellow English speakers as well as creating and maintaining new friendships. It has been rather isolating not getting out and meeting people. I think I have to just get past the self consciousness and be me. Underneath it all I am a great person, who can have great conversations, I just have to get past the awkward exterior I have built up this past year of isolation. 

But all in all, I also need to realize that these are people who have been in my shoes, and probably understand the emotional roller coaster I have embarked upon. 

I had a blast today. It was so refreshing to get out of the house and have someone to talk to. I hope I will get the opportunity to do it more often. 

Next on my list of things to do is join up one with one of the regular group meet ups in Heilbronn, and maybe even start one up of my own. Maybe one for housewives, or a cooking group which I know my friend also expressed interest in. 

I am adjusting, slowly but surely. That is step one. As of now, I continue to take life one day at a time. 

Magic's in the Makeup- No Doubt 
Can you tell I'm
faking it?
But I want to be myself
A counterfit disposition
Can't be good for my health
So many different faces
Depending on the different phases
My personality changes
I'm a chameleon
There's more then one dimension
I can fool you and attract attention
Camouflage my nature
Let me demonstrate...

Makeup's all off
Who am I?
Magic's in the makeup
Who am I?

If you bore me
then I'm comfortable
If you interest me I'm scared
My attraction paralyses me
No courage to show my true colors that exist
But I want to be the real thing
But if you catch my eye can't be authentic
The ones I loath are the one's that know me the best

My makeup's all off
Who am I?
The magic's in the makeup
Who am I?

The makeup's all
Who am I?
If the magic's in the make up
Then who am I?
Magic's in the makeup
But I want to be the real thing
But the magic's in the makeup
And I want to be the real thing

My makeup's all
Who am I? 

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