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The words you never want to hear

I had thought long and hard about wether or not to talk openly about this. But given some thought I realized that 1) It was not very kind to selectively choose who I would and wouldn't confide in and 2) I did not want a vast array of rumors flying around. I used this medium because I thought that a mini blog on facebook, was to little and I didn't want to drop a nuck bomb without full explanation. So you can read through the whole story and explanation or skip through to the juicy details your choice. So easiest for me is to start at the begging and to tell the whole story.

For the vast majority if my life I have had issues with my left ear. At times I have passed hearing test perfectly and other times showed signs of hearing loss, no one ever knew the cause and it was associated as a byproduct of chronic tonsillitis. This problem has continued in Germany, I was having issues with the hearing cutting in and out, and chronic ear aches as well as tinnitus. I was referred to a HNO specialist.

So I attempted to go to the appointment alone, and discovered rather quickly she was not used to talking to people with limited German, so DH came to help. In the mean time she did the standard exam and then a standard hearing test. As before my hearing test came back with optimal results, which contradicted the symptoms I had been experiencing. DH came along and was better able to communicate the symptoms and explain everything to me.

She concluded further testing needed to be done and she did a BERA hearing test.

Brainstem evoked response audiometry (BERA or ABR) involves sophisticated, computerized equipment. Sounds are placed in the ear, and the brainstem's response is recorded from electrodes (similar to electrocardiogram electrodes) that are taped to the patient's head. This testing is extremely helpful in:

• Distinguishing sensory (inner ear) from neural (nerve) causes of hearing loss

• Helping to localize problems in the brainstem auditory pathway

• Determining the ability to hear soft sounds, in selected cases

Ehealth

When the results of the test came back she was able to see that something is blocking the nerves in between my ear and my brain. This result is characteristic of a illness known as acoustic neuroma.

An acoustic neuroma, correctly called a vestibular schwannoma, is a benign primary intracranial tumor of the myelin-forming cells of thevestibulocochlear nerve (CN VIII).^[1]

The term "acoustic" is a misnomer, as the tumor rarely arises from the acoustic (or cochlear) division of the vestibulocochlear nerve. The term "neuroma" is also a misnomer, since it means "nerve tumor" but an acoustic neuroma is a Schwannoma. The correct medical term isvestibular schwannoma, because it involves the vestibular portion of the 8th cranial nerve^[2] and it arises from Schwann cells, which are responsible for the myelin sheath in the peripheral nervous system.

Wikipedia

In laymens terms, acoustic neuroma is a benign slow growing brain tumor. Yes I said it, scary word Brain tumor. You can only imagine the shock and terror I experienced when I was told this. The statistics have been set at 1 in 100,000 having such a tumor, but with the increased use of mri to detect tumors it has been found they are much more prevalent and often go undetected for years. Most do not show major symptoms until the age of 30.

So where do we go from here. Well first things first I will go in for a MRI on the 5th of November and we will go from there. If it is acoustic neuroma the treatment varies based on the tumor. Small ones are monitored yearly via MRI, while larger ones have to be removed to eliminate risk of complications. The acoustic neuroma is the only known medical issue to cause these symptoms, if it is found that is not the cause, then it remains a mystery and only the symptoms can be treated. In either case I will need to use a form hearing aid in my left ear.

So that is where things stand as of now. I am doing ok. Though I ask that everyone keeps me in their prayers. As anyone can imagine being told you may have a brian tumor, is a traumatic experience to say the least. I am terrified, but hopeful with god at my side I will come through ok. I hope and pray that it is not a tumor. But at the same time I know that I am in a country with wonderful healthcare and I will get the best treatment possible. So before we press the panic button lets take a step back, and realize it is just a possibility, a scary one all be it, but not definitive.

I love you and I miss you

S

Travel advisory issued for Germany

"The Department of State alerts U.S. citizens that Al Qaeda has threatened it will conduct terrorist attacks in Germany immediately prior to and following the federal elections on September 27.  This Travel Alert expires on November 11, 2009.

Al Qaeda recently released a video specifically warning Germany of attacks.  German authorities are taking the threat seriously and have taken measures to enhance the level of security throughout the country.

The Department of State urges U.S. citizens to maintain good security practices at all times, and to maintain a heightened situational awareness and a low profile.  Americans are advised to monitor news reports and consider the level of security present when visiting public places or choosing hotels, restaurants, and entertainment and recreation venues." Department of State

Many are aware of the recent terrorist threats made against Germany, for those who are not here is a brief summary BBC

In a very politically charged video, a German born al Qaeda member gives Germany an ultimatum. Elect the left wing party who supports the pulling of troops out o the middle east, or face holy war within Germany. Perhaps the most eerie part of the video was a warning to all Muslims within Germany to stay within their home for the 14 days post election. The video was widely distributed visa youtube, but unfortunately no fully translated version has been done. You can find select quotes within the varies news articles. Mostly it is a bunch of shit about the German people being able to choose their own fate.

So the question at hand is is there really much of a threat. There obviously is enough of one for Germany to elevate the terrorist level, and for the US to issue travel advisories. THe EU's open border policy does not make for much of a sense of security, one countries lacking of border control can be devastative.

A new barrage of news has come forward today, which sadly I am unable to find English news articles regarding. From the little bit I picked up was something in regards to documents being found within Germany regarding weapons and that airports may be the potential target.  Found one 

Does it make me uneasy yes, but I wouldn't say afraid. How many years did we live with heightened terrorist levels in the US? While Germany is much smaller, only about the size of Oregon and Washington together, I do not think I will find myself in danger. I do not frequent large social gatherings, have any plans to travel, or live in any large cities or politically charged areas. 

Will anything come of this? I have no idea. But I do know the election outcomes will not be fixed via threats. And at this point in time, it seems the US is more worked up about it then Germany. Here the threats seem to be pretty common place. So, only time will tell. 

4 day weekend whoohoo

I am super excited to have a four day weekend. Its rather funny when you are at home all the time you are bored out of your mind. But once you make an out of home commitment, even if just a few hours daily, you suddenly realize you never have enough time lol. 

So what will I do with myself for four days

1. track down my camera cord

2. Catch up on blogs

3. Clean my house (it looks like post wwII belin, j/k)

4. German (of course its never ending :D)

5. Watch some of my season 8 friends (I found them for 10 bucks a season, I only have 1 but hope to get more later)

:)

What makes an immigrant?

Let me start by apologizing about the lack of photos lately. I have lost my camera cord, in my house of all places. I am working on it. 

That said I found a side topic I wanted to talk about.

What exactly is an immigrant and what is your role within another country?

I was talking to my husband the other day about the recent terrorist threats made against Germany (another upcoming blog). I had made the comment what are we doing in Afgahnistan(sic)  anyway, with we as a reference to Germany. I was quiet surprised when he replied, "there is no we". He holds the belief that unless one is a citizen of the other country, they are not fully a part of it. 

Today while reading a news article regarding racist mailing sent out by the NPD I came across this quote “They still don’t understand that this country is our country too,”. Now that is not to say I feel my husband holds that belief. Nor am I saying he is wrong in his feelings. But I do want to address the issue of cultural identification.

First and foremost while I am not a citizen of Germany I hold very much the same rights and obligation, less a few features most prominently voting rights. I do however have the right to work, the right to social benefits, and at the same time the obligation to pay into the social system, to abide by local laws and regulations. 

So what makes an immigrant? We have many kinds. Those who come into another society only to reject social integration and further isolate themselves. And those who grab integration stead fast by the horns. Integration does not mean becoming absorbed by the country you have moved to, it means playing an active role within society, accepting the cultural norms and differences, and taking steps such as learning the language. 

I cannot for the life of me understand the people who immigrate and then try to argue against the status quo and legal system. You cannot come to Germany, commit a crime, and then say oops in my home country it is ok. I am sorry to say then go home. I do not understand people who come to the country to only reap the benefits of the social system without ever feeling the need or desire to contribute themselves. Go home. 

Now before people flip a shit and call me biased. I have never once said anything about certain groups of people, rather behaviors. And I feel the same way about Germans who do things such as abuse social welfare. And please try not to forget I too am an alien. But I am one who wants to integrate in society. I want to contribute. I am proud to be a part of a country where my health care is free, where I will always have a home, and a loss of employment is not a possible end of the road. But at the same time I will work damn hard to protect that. I will contribute to the best of my ability and always remember to never take those things for granted. 

People immigrate for a variety of reasons, but they should never be anything short of grateful. It is people who refuse to integrate who create a negative image for all aliens, especially those who work damn hard in hopes of a better life.

So back to the question at hand. I think anyone who has immigrated is an integral part of any country, regardless of weather they hold residency or citizenship. But at the same time I think that comes with responsibilities. By not becoming involved and playing active roles within out new countries we are perpetuating the negative stereotypes. And until we make changes within ourselves and our behaviors we cannot expect every country to open their arms widely and embrace us.